Monday, June 08, 2009
Today is just one of those days where everything seems gloomy and un-fixable.
Damn, even the music playing is depressing.
You know what days like these make me feel like doing?
It makes me wish that it would rain, so I can go sit in the rain and think about stuff. It's very therapeutic actually. Try it one day. Yeah, I know, a tad overdramatic, but still works.
I have many ways of getting over depression la. One would be the one mentioned above. Another one would be running. Seriously. When I run when I'm depressed, or torn about something, I run without noticing the distance. My thoughts would solely be concentrated on the problem bothering me, and at the end of the run, I would either have come up with a solution, or I would have run myself too ragged to even care about the problem.
Hahaha. But then, I can't really run now. What else. There's blood in my mucus and blood in my phelgm... Eew you might say...
Sometimes I lug my ass down to any Starbucks. Be it Novena, City Hall, Millennia Walk or even somewhere I've never been before. I go wherever my heart takes me. I sit my depressed self down at Starbucks, order a Cafe Latte, and just read a book. Somehow, being in a different place, just makes me feel better. Having the bustle of people around me, and knowing that however much I feel like I have no one, there are always people in the world, and I'm never truly alone.
Sometimes I bake. But the goods that I bake usually end up uneaten, so I lay off that these days. Anyone wants any delicious goodies baked chockfull of depression? Hahaha.
I wish Singapore was bigger. If only Singapore had rolls after rolls of green grass, and overwhelming beauty. If only it had natural scenery and beauty. I've always thought that nothing can ever be that bad if you can see beautiful things everyday. Nature always makes me feel better. Wherever I'm going, it will have natural awe inspiring scenery. And I will never be that sad again.
I suppose it's in everyone to have someone with them when they're faced with beauty. When you re under a marvelous expanse of stars, like how I often experienced when training outfield, you want someone there with you to admire it, and to share the swell of happiness that inadvertently comes when faced with such a sight.
I know what kind of a person I am. I think I forgot myself for a while back there. But I know I am an independent person. Now.
It's time I grew up.Labels: Random Ruminations
4:15:00 PM
Friday, May 22, 2009
Love happens to anyone, at anytime of our lives.
We either manage to grasp hold of it, at the right time
Or fail to hold on to it, or even realise it is before our eyes.
Often though, we fail to have any form of chemistry
with the other party, or vice versa, and it becomes
unreciprocrated love.
Which is better ?
To be loved, and not love back
or to love, and not be loved back?Labels: Love
3:41:00 PM
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Finding The Better Part of Me.
If there was 1 thing you could change about me..
..one thing that might make me a better person
What would it be?
I WANT TO DO SOMETHING CRAZY. I want to do something utterly insane, irresponsible, and unexpected. I want to burst out on the streets like light exploding into seven colors. I want to be a kaleidoscope, ever-changing and unpredictable. I want to scream and shout and sing at the top of my voice. I want to be friends with the whole wide world. I want to cartwheel to get around. I want to run around and hug random objects. I want the freedom to be me.
I seek the security and comfort that I imagine will balance me out, complementing the 19 year old boy I am and giving me the energy and motivation to push myself harder and become a better me. I don't think it's too much to hope for... I just don't want any lies, I don't want conditions and I don't want the hurt. I just want to know that something that good exists and will come my way in due time - hopefully sometime soon. I want to learn that the stories are real and that happiness can last. Just let me come home.
"I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay I'll be forgiving
Nothing you can say could stop me going home."
- Famous Last Words (My Chemical Romance)
12:10:00 AM
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Hello there , it has been awhile since I've last updated. I'm living the 'Tekong Dream' ; Reveille at 0530, Lights Out at 2230. Get knocked down for the most trivial of mistakes committed, or like how they view every seemingly innocuous thing as an opportunity to make you face the floor. Everything is controlled; from how much time you have to eat, sleep or shit et cetera et cetera. ANNOYING! But aiya, LAN LAN SUCK THUMB lo... Not to mention the allowance is dirt, just a shopping trip today with Joel and my sister set me about 300 odd dollars. Yes, 300 spent on myself alone. Yes again, 75% of my allowance. Pfftt..
It's not my aim to whine here anyway, after all I believe that Money isn't yours until you spend it. Honestly, spend a second or two to think about what's said. And tell me if you think I'm wrong. Haha. But what I really want to know about is how you guys feel about what I have to say next....
What is love?
Love.. that special bond you share with family, friends or significant other.
Love. A word so magical when you really mean what you say.
Love. A feeling that often gives meaning, hope and inspiration.
Love.. those who don't like it call it responsibility. Those who play with it call it a game. Those who don't have it call it a dream. Those who understand it call it destiny.
Among others, love is true acceptance, and being there no matter what happens. I read this story online about this old man hurrying his doctor's appointment so he can have breakfast with his wife. The doctor asked if she would be worried if he was late, but he said that his wife has Alzheimer Disease and hasn't been able to recognise him for the past 5 years. The doctor asked why he still went every morning if she doesn't know him anymore?
He said: "She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is."
So tell me people,
What is love to YOU..?
I'd say
Love is better off experienced than figured out.
10:37:00 PM
Friday, March 13, 2009
Enlisting in 8 hours time. I've never been this anxious... It's almost like I'm a new father expecting my baby. Yeah, my life is never gonna be the same it was before. But it's not all gonna be baddd; for one I'd have to ditch my childish antics! HAHA admittedly, it won't be that easy to accomplish. But I'd try!
By the same token, I'm afraid of changes that would leave no stone unturned. Upsetting the status quo would leave me quite upset, to be frank. Relationships would suffer but it won't be sacrificed. Shucks.. Thank God for that. It would make easy amendment. *crosses fingers*
Here's something I wrote in a letter to a friend and I quite like it, so i've decided to include it here as well!
Sometimes we drift, we may go our separate ways in pursuit of life and dreams. But the beauty of it all, is growing separately but never growing apart..
Don't miss me too much yeah? It's only 2 weeks ;)
Labels: Army *GASPS*, Friends
1:48:00 AM
Sunday, March 08, 2009
I don't understand how some people can be so bloody pessimistic. It's as if you're living a life taking everything good for granted! It makes no sense to me at all to whine and lament and honestly feel sad for your existence because the truth of the matter is, everything you get in life is brought upon by yourself. Especially when we are living in Singapore, there really isn't any chance for you to complain about how you never managed to make your life any better. Even with regard to intangible life choices - love begotten is dependent on your own outlook towards life and love! It makes no sense how anyone can wallow in their own misery because truth be told, there is no misery.
There are things to be thankful for everyday - I thank God for noodles, instant noodles (as opposed to being sad I don't have a good dinner whatsoever), I thank God for Joel (as opposed to being cowardly and refusing to take the water slides with me..), I thank God for my friends who came over yesterday despite their busy schedules and for the gifts I'd received. I've never been more blessed! And I thank God for YOU! as opposed to whining about anything because, I deserve what I get, and I am happy with what I deserve, and I get what I deserve for being happy! Yes, even as enlistment looms and threatens to doom. LOL
(And even if I didn't, there would be no reason to be unhappy or pessimistic)
It's not that I don't get sad. I get so sad too, I'm only human. And it's not that I've done anything that I've not regretted. But I get saddened by things worth getting saddened about. And I do regret some of the things I've done or said or thought but not having acted on them.. For being sad over life's little things that we can change, is disregarding everything else, saying everything else in your life don't mean squat.
but then again i reckon i might regret posting this, for i sincerely also believe that humans are innately fallible, but okay lah, fall due to the right things lah!
GOODNIGHT! <3
EDIT: Mabel demands to have her name there too. I thank God for Mabel too; she has a sweet side to her that nobody knows about. Not even me. But by faith, I proclaim HAHAHAHA. There you go;)Labels: Random Ruminations
11:24:00 PM
Thursday, February 26, 2009
An excerpt taken off the MINDEF forums.Damnit, I'm turning pro-army now when not too long ago I was dead set against conscription.. :p ENJOY!!
"How two rite gud"
Frank L. ViscoVice-president and Senior Copywriter at US Advertising.
My several years in the word game have learnt me several rules:
Avoid alliteration. Always.
Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
Employ the vernacular.
Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
It is wrong to ever split up an infinitive.
Contractions aren't necessary.
Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
One should never generalize.
Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
Profanity sucks dick.
Be more or less specific.
Understatement is always best.
Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
One-word sentences? Never.
Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
The passive voice is to be avoided.
Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
Who needs rhetorical questions?
Be careful to use apostrophe's correctly.
Do not use them pronouns as modifiers.
And never start a sentence with a conjunction.
Didn't understand a shit?
As men become more intelligent they should understand the true intellectual equality of all men, because the relative difference between the least intelligent and the most intelligent is infinitesimally small in comparison to what is yet unknown.
– Albert Einstein
Now we know; Intelligence IS relative.Labels: How to, Humour
1:25:00 PM
