Thursday, February 26, 2009
An excerpt taken off the MINDEF forums.Damnit, I'm turning pro-army now when not too long ago I was dead set against conscription.. :p ENJOY!!
"How two rite gud"
Frank L. ViscoVice-president and Senior Copywriter at US Advertising.
My several years in the word game have learnt me several rules:
Avoid alliteration. Always.
Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
Employ the vernacular.
Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
It is wrong to ever split up an infinitive.
Contractions aren't necessary.
Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
One should never generalize.
Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
Profanity sucks dick.
Be more or less specific.
Understatement is always best.
Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
One-word sentences? Never.
Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
The passive voice is to be avoided.
Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
Who needs rhetorical questions?
Be careful to use apostrophe's correctly.
Do not use them pronouns as modifiers.
And never start a sentence with a conjunction.
Didn't understand a shit?
As men become more intelligent they should understand the true intellectual equality of all men, because the relative difference between the least intelligent and the most intelligent is infinitesimally small in comparison to what is yet unknown.
– Albert Einstein
Now we know; Intelligence IS relative.Labels: How to, Humour
1:25:00 PM
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
A man walks into a bar and says, "Hey, bartender, I'll bet you fifteen bucks I can bite my eye."
The bartender says, "You're on."
So the man pulls out his glass eye and bites it.
Then, the man says, "I'll bet you twenty-five bucks I can bite my other eye."
The bartender thinks, there is no way this guy has two glass eyes. So he says to the man, "Ok, you're on."
So, the man pulls out his dentures and bites his eye with them.
The bartender says, "Man, you're good."
Three hours later, the man comes back and says, "I'll give you a chance to win your money back. See that shot glass on the other end of the bar? I'll bet you a hundred fifty bucks I can piss in it from here and not miss a drop."
The bartender says, "Ok".
So, the man unzips his pants starts peeing, and there's pee flying everywhere. None of it goes in the glass. The bartender is all happy and says, "You owe me a hundred and fifty bucks!"
The man says, "Ok, but see that man over there? I bet him $350 that I would piss all over your bar and you'd be happy."
I laughed out loud at this one. Insanely hilarious!!
Labels: Humour
3:32:00 PM
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
A 29 years old, female contestant in the second season of the Bulgarian show "Music Idol" performs Mariah Carey's song "Without you" in fake English.
A YouTube User commented:
Anyways, I love the way that she was totally confident. The poor girl thought she had the judges completely fooled by getting away with it by singing the song in "English." To her amazement, the female judge apparently does speak and comprehend English and found the audition hilarious.
Go on, click on it. I guarantee you wouldn't regret it..
tulibu dibu douchoo. OMFG!
Labels: Humour
4:23:00 PM
