back then.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Hmm, a close friend of mine told me yesterday that even though I tend to be a very outspoken person, always speaking whatever's on my mind.. he feels that he doesn't actually know the real me.

The truth is.. he's right.

It's not so much of what I'm trying to hide from the world, but I'm always in a state of complicated confusion which weighs me down and a lot of times, I try really hard not to let it show.

Right now, even though I might seem perfectly alright on the surface, I'm actually starting to crumble... mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

I need to pull myself together.

Labels: Friends, Identities

6:06:00 PM

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

The post about Guys will be taken down henceforth without prior notice.
But allow me to clarify the matter:

1) It was never...and i say again; NEVER, in my intention to condone lusty, amorous behaviour within the Church. Perhaps it wasn't stated explicitly when I published the post thereby ensuing in a series of misunderstandings with my dear brother 'X'. Thus, I still stand firm by my principle that :It's okay to look. Staring and allowing unhealthy thoughts to fester ,however, is not how we should act. Otherwise, men of God would have to gouge their eyes out.

Fleeting glance = Okay. Just look,turn back around and get on with life.

But keep your lewd thoughts inside, thankyouverymuch.
Ogling, Fantasizing, Sexual and Evil desires, Covetousness should set alarm bells ringing in your head.

I understand perfectly, and likewise I wouldn't want men to harbour ill thoughts towards the female members of my household. My mum's a woman, my sister's a woman, my maid's a woman and so are my two dogs =p
(I'm sure you get my point now...)

2) That post was meant to be tongue-in-cheek and an avenue to flaunt my writing.I just enjoy writing to entertain friends.
Please accept my sincerest apologies if you or anyone else feel aggrieved by my frank post.

The matter is solved, misunderstandings are cleared and Life goes on.

Kthxbai

4:50:00 PM

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Anyone read the Straits Times recently?

The things that happen are tragic.

There is an article in there about this Japanese guy who went on a killing spree, because he was depressed. There was something about how he was constantly mistreated when he was young, and how he was a social outcast because he didn't know how to get along with people. Thus having, no friends, or a girlfriend, plus not being able to keep his job, he exploded.

Anyone else remember the Virginia Tech killings? Again, Cho was mistreated and looked down upon, just because he was different.

Theory is, people who are mentally disturbed are people who have suffered some form of abuse in their lives, be it social, physical, or emotional abuse.

I remember when I was in Secondary School, there was a boy who was a schizophrenic. No one knew he was suffering from this disease, but let's just say that I was horrible to that kid. Called him names, generally just looked down on him because he was different. I never did anything worse than that, but other people did; bullied him till no end. I didn't do anything, but I laughed along.

When I turned 15, I started seeing how miserable the guy was, and started regretting everything that I ever did to him, and I started to stop others from bullying him. Not that it ever worked. I felt so sorry for him, and I really saw how mean people can be to the ones who are different.

One day, when we turned 16, we found out by lieu of our teacher that he was a schizophrenic. After that, everyone started treating him with so much kindness and respect. Better late than never, true, but it didn't really repair the 4 years of damage that we inflicted on this guy.
I will always remember the guy, and how I became a mean, near-evil person, and how much pleasure I derived from bullying the guy. Thinking about it now, it makes me sick to the stomach, knowing that I once had so much fun humiliating someone.

To this day, I try my best to be fair to people, no matter how different they are, or how annoying they can be.

It's just sad la, the things that can happen from years of neglect. We should all just be nicer people. Or you know, don't stare when you see someone who looks different.

Just that day I was on the MRT, and this boy sat down beside me. He's slightly retarded, I think. Anyway, he kept leaning across me to look at what I was reading, and kept pointing at my book. Man, it was fucking annoying. But I tolerated it, felt sorry for him. When he was getting off the train, the boy just turned and waved goodbye to me. Seriously, it was really really sweet.

After he got off, this guy came towards me and said that he saw everything that happened. Then he asked me, 'Why didn’t you tell him off?" You should have seen his face - he had this look on his face, and every syllable was just dripping with disgust.

Like, what in the blue hell... Why so disgusted when you were standing in a corner just watching away? I shot him a look, and said "I'm telling you off now."

Damn, I'm suave and cool man. Tsk ;)

Labels: People, World

12:30:00 PM

Saturday, June 07, 2008

HTML stupefies me..

I feel so dumb staring at paragraph after paragraph of gibberish on my screen. Of the fact how seemingly nonsensical alpha-numerics when strung together can give a blog or website; shape and form completely eludes me.

Okay I give up! I need to exploit some dumb girl to help me with it. most likely my sister luh..
This is so not worth getting a headache over.

Somehow I don't look forward to church camp anymore. Zzz

Peace out.
~~Violence in~~

5:24:00 PM

Monday, June 02, 2008

I would say that I've turned into someone really quite different. The things that I do now, are things that I would never have done in the past. Or objects/people/animals that I would never have let myself get close to.

All of a sudden, my goals in life are changing, and my outlook on things are not as rosy or optimistic anymore. I feel heavier, and more sombre, and I'm not sure that it is necessarily a bad thing. I do however, mourn the person that I was. I was a happier one back then.

Well... On to better things, I must say. The blog is up, and judging from the fact that I have just rambled on for quite a bit, it's going to be up for a long long time.

I can never stay away from writing, it seems to call to me when I don't write for a long time. Ever had that feeling? It's like, I'll get really uptight, and my mind will be crowded with utterly irrelevant things, and then I'll get the itch. Which would be when I realise that it's time to write again.

Haha, my relationship with writing is going to be a long one.

2:58:00 PM